i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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