It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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