So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
