The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
