Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
