oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize