We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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