You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
