my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
