I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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