I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
