I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
