is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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