There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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