Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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