put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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