i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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