another moral hangover. fuck.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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