Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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