I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I want her autograph on my taint
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
