If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
