Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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