I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I touched a dick in church today
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
