I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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