I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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