hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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