i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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