he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.