So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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