Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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