I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
