how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
