Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
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She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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