Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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