I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
