Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
