I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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