remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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