I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
