He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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