I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
