craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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