Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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