Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
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This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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