I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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