hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
