I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
