i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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