what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
