I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
