So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize