Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
