I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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