i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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