i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
