I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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