The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
