Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
