If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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