FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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