if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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