so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Randomize
