as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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