Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
