Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
