Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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