we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
