Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
