Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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