PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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