I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
