i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Randomize
