well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
