your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My life is pants optional.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
