The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
